I might be fucking stupid
Like genuinely
I already know that I have some problems
But holy fuck, I might just be an idiot.
So it's laundry day, right?
Just go do laundry, right?
How bad can it be, right?
I go to the laundry room, I put in my stuff
There's no one else here so there won't be a repeat of Laundry Jerk (see previous episode of my laundry antics).
After I put it in, I walk around a bit.
I sorta wanna go somewhere but I don't have my wallet with me. Why would I take it? The laundry room is in my own building, I only need my ID to get around campus. However with this convenience, I have no ID to get back into the building, so I just keep pacing around instead. Taking a few sips of water every now and then. And then I see it.

[IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Two photos of a cheese grater ontop of a washing machine with dirty clothes behind it. Visible inside the cheese grater's stupid little window is a yellowish object wrapped in clear and white plastic with a blue and white logo on it. The second photo is the same, but closer to the grater, and the cheese ripper is being opened up.]

A fucking
Cheese grater
With cheese inside.
I'm shocked, I'm astounded.
Why on earth would anyone bring a cheese grater to a laundromat.
Why would you bring a cheese grater to a laundromat, with cheese in it.
Why would you bring a cheese grater to a laundromat, with cheese in it, and then fucking leave it there?
I'm so puzzled and confused that I begin to inspect the object.
The packaging isn't any cheese I recognize, seems foreign.
What if I was to
Take a little bite of this man's cheese.
Just, figure out what type of cheese it is.
So I do. I break off a little bit and it's fairly waxy to the touch.
I put the cheese in my mouth.
Nope, nope. No. That's laundry soap. That is laundry soap. That tastes like soap.
What the fuck
I spit it out immediately
Oh my god what is wrong with me.
Why did I do that.
But then. Then then then.
I realize something.
Maybe it didn't actually taste that bad.
Maybe it was just the shock of eating soap
Maybe I should try it again, but this time, knowing that it is soap. For the sake of science.
So I do. I puck up a little bit of the soap and put it into my mouth.
Nope, nope. No. Still awful. Still fucking awful.
I'm about to spit it out when the fucking door opens up.
A group of three people walk in
I can't spit out the soap, they'll see that I had soap in my mouth.
They'll fucking know. So I just gotta swallow it. Or, wait. There's a water fountain. Idea.
I'll spit it out subtly into the water fountain. They won't see it hidden among the stream.
I lean over to take a drink, ready to execute my brilliant plan.
The water jets into my mouth
And a swarm of bubbles attack me voraciously.
I am now frothing at the mouth and 3 people are able to see this.
I just fucking run out of the room.
SHIT
I DON"T HAVE MY ID
(TV Tropes: Chekov's goddamnit)
It's raining outside.
I have soap in my mouth.
I spit it into the dirt and then walk to the building attendant.
I knock on the glass, signal that I don't have my ID.
She asks why I left the building and then came back in.
I sigh. I explain the story.
She tries her hardest not to laugh.
I am wet and soggy.
I'm let into the building and told to go get my ID from my dorm.
I do so, and get it back to her. She looks at it and writes a full little report down on both a notepad and some website
I return to the laundry room.
The three people have left.
The cheese grater is gone.
I fucking ate their soap and they know it.
I ate soap and the building attendant knows it.
I ate soap and there is now an official report about it.
I ate soap and now all of you know it.